Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
