ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
