Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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