Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Small penises have feelings too.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
