His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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