Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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