I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
