So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Is it because I queefed?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
