Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
