Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
