He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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