I just pynch a tree in the face
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think a kid would responsible me up
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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