I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
