Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
