her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
