Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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