No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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