I just pynch a tree in the face
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
