mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
that is very illegal...i love you.
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