i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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