You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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