what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
