Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
