i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
