Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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