The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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