When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
