She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
