I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
