no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
