My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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