the condom got lost in my hair
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
