Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
