Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
