I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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