Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
