My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
