Soap is not a condiment
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
