I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
two words: eviction party
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
