It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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