my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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