i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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