So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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