Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
