cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
