when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
