i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i drank out of a bidet.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
