I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
