She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Your dad touched me again.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
