she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
