He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
